this next song is for the girl yelling at the balcony - it’s called ‘We Hate You, Please Die’
SCOTT PILGRIM REFERENCE YES
this next song is for the girl yelling at the balcony - it’s called ‘We Hate You, Please Die’
SCOTT PILGRIM REFERENCE YES
Why aromanticism matters for the entire asexual community
Or: five reasons not to ignore or downplay the existence of aromantic asexuals.
(I use “asexual” and “aromantic” as umbrella terms here, for the whole asexual and aromantic spectrums.)
Aromantic asexual people are proof that asexuality exists in its own right, separately from all other sexual orientations.
Asexuals are always frustrated by how often people deny that we exist. There’s this prevailing cultural attitude that you must be attracted to some gender or other, because wanting someone in “that way” is an intrinsic part of being human. Romantic asexual people are often told that their asexuality is a flaw or deficit in their orientation, and not worthy of being a separate identity in its own right. So a homoromantic asexual is reduced to just a damaged gay/lesbian person, a panromantic asexual is reduced to just a pansexual who’s afraid of sex, and so on for other romantic orientations. This attitude makes it very easy for allosexual people to dismiss or pathologize asexuality, and treat it as not being “real” like other sexual orientations are.
But aromantic asexuals don’t fit into that box. Aro-aces can’t be lumped in with any other identity on the basis of romantic attraction and relationships. So the existence of aromantic asexuals proves that asexuality must exist as a distinct phenomenon, and that it can be a healthy, well-adjusted and “normal” identity in its own right.
The asexual community is strongly focused around deconstructing the definition of love and relationships - and aromantic people have a unique perspective on that.
In mainstream culture, sex is generally treated as the goal, apex, or defining action of an intimate relationship. To have sex with someone is treated as synonymous with loving them dearly. This is why casual sex and hookups are treated as “lesser” forms of sex - the loving, long-term commitment isn’t present. (*Not to say that casual sex is lesser, I’m just describing how society treats it. Slut-shaming also plays a role here.) It’s also why non-sexual relationships, which asexual people often have, are treated as unhealthy or invalid: if sex is equated with love, then a lack of sex means a lack of love.
So, one of the big goals of the asexual movement is to teach people that non-sexual relationships can be just as intimate, loving and meaningful as sexual relationships. Asexual people need to break down our cultures’ expectations and stereotypes for how “proper” relationships should work, so that more flexible ideas about love, commitment and intimacy can be adopted instead.
Aromantic asexual people have a doubled challenge here, because our most important relationships aren’t necessarily sexual or romantic (although they can be). The aromantic community makes use of words like queerplatonic, squish, lithromantic and more to express new ideas about our needs, emotions and relationships. These ideas then get recycled back into the asexual community and enable asexual (and allosexual!) people to more effectively understand themselves and the world around them. Everyone benefits from aromantic discussions. But asexual people benefit especially, because we gain new ways to talk about our non-traditional relationships.
Aromantic asexual people form loving relationships outside of traditional relationship paradigms, which expands the opportunities for asexual people in general to achieve love and fulfillment.
I have read so many asexual people worrying that they’ll never meet someone who loves and wants them the way they are, and who doesn’t want sex from them. It can be lonely, shameful and embarrassing for romantic asexual people who want to date and find a partner, but whose potential dating pool are drastically shrunk by asexuality.
But much of this angst comes from the traditional dichotomy between romance and friendship. If you believe that only a romantic partner can fulfill all of your most intimate emotional needs, then of course you’re going to be stressed out by being single. It also means that you might underestimate the value and happiness that you can gain from your friends, family, career, hobbies, and the other wonderful things in your life.
Aromantic relationships tear that dichotomy down. You have more options. You can be happily solitary for life, you can have a queerplatonic partner, a romantic friendship, platonic life partner, a polyamorous circle of best friends, and more. Aromantic asexuals can find love, companionship, joy and fulfillment without needing romance; this sets a precedent for romantic asexuals (and allosexuals) to find new routes to happiness as well.
Stereotypes and stigma against aromantic people become transformed into prejudice against asexual people as well.
We all know that “asexual” is constantly being confused with “aromantic.” That’s why visibility efforts constantly remind people that (some) asexuals can fall in love and want romantic relationships, too.
Much of the stigma against asexual people is actually stigma against aromantic people that gets mis-targeted. “Falling in love” and wanting romance are seen as vital aspects of being human, so aromantic people get characterized as inhuman, cold, unfeeling, mentally disordered (which is also ableist), embittered, repressed, afraid of commitment, robotic, or even monstrous or psychopathic. There is also a massive, widespread belief that aromantic people just haven’t “found the right person yet,” we frequently are told that we’ll “change our minds someday,” and romantic people often see it as a challenge to try to “capture our hearts” just to prove us wrong. Aromantic people are also frequently advised to seek therapy so that we can overcome our “fear of intimacy/commitment.”
Sound familiar? It should. Since “love = sex” in the popular consciousness, this pressure to be romantic gets translated into a pressure to be sexually available as well. Of course, not all acephobic sentiment originates this way, but a big chunk of it does. What’s bad for aromantic people is bad for asexual people. Increasing the awareness and acceptance of aromantic people, and aromantic relationships, will improve acceptance for asexual people and asexual relationships as well.
Aromantic allosexual people are potentially great allies for the asexual movement.
I see very little writing on Tumblr from aromantic allosexual people. Why is this? I know why: It’s because the public awareness of aromanticism is even smaller than it is for asexuality. Aromanticism can occur in heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, and any other kind of allosexual person, not just asexual people. And I’m willing to bet that those aromantic allosexual people feel confused, alienated or broken just like asexual people do. Our culture teaches us that everybody needs to fall in love, date, and live happily ever after with a romantic partner; if you can’t feel romantic love, then you’re a villain, a machine, or not fully human. Again, sound familiar?
If the asexual community reaches out to aromantic allosexual people, we may find another community that knows what it’s like to not want what you’re supposed to want, to be on a different wavelength from everybody else, and to want relationships that mainstream society doesn’t acknowledge or value. There is a huge untapped potential here. Aromantic allosexual people will overlap with another portion of the LGBT+ movement, encouraging mutual support and intersectionality between asexual and LGBT+ communities. Aromantic heterosexual people may also become allies for asexual people if we can help them become aware of aromanticism, and they can encourage other heterosexual people to take asexuality seriously. It’s a win-win for everyone.
This Indian actress shut down a reporter for telling her to keep quiet about women’s rights.
THE NINE CHOIRS OF HEAVEN. An info-graphic for my editorial class and god am I thankful it’s done. Way too much went into this than what I had time for, but hey… I actually kind of like it?
Now excuse me, I must return to my fashion major lifestyle and go sew a coat u_u
EDIT: Re-uploaded with easier viewing!
I’M CRYING THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL COMPLIMENTS AND WORDS OF ADVICE. You’re all so sweet and great and just thank you this took forever <3
Anything to knock junior-high students down a peg or two.
Kids really need to understand two things. 1.) The dangers of the Internet, and 2.) Once things are online THEY NEVER GO AWAY COMPLETELY EVER AGAIN. EVER. EVER EVER.
The Internet is an awesome place and I’ve met cool people through it, but you have to exercise caution online in everything you do, from photographs to the things you say. Photographs make you easy to find. Don’t forget that people can troll back through your posts. Not only can they see other tidbits you’ve left, but if they have a photograph of you to go off of, too, that makes things worse.
Sure, I guess the attention from posting pictures of yourself is cool (I wouldn’t know) but it’s not worth making yourself a target. Should we all be free to take selfies and have fun while we have confidence in ourselves? Sure! But that’s not how the world works. In reality, things like that can be used to your determent, and it’s not worth the risk you are taking to do it.
An addendum: It’s also not worth the risk you put to your families, your friends, and your peers. There are some sick ass people out there and you might THINK the site you’re on is ~safe and free of people like that~ BUT IT’S NOT. There is no place online that is safe from people like that. Why? Because it’s easy to pretend to be someone else online until you gain someone’s trust. It’s easy to blend in online with other people while you gather information on them.
The Internet is not a safe place for adults, let alone young teenagers. Something dumb like a photograph can be seen by millions of people. How many likes/reblogs does this have? But how many people SAW it and DIDN’T like/reblog—probably ten times the amount that hit the button. It’s something to think about. You’re not invincible. Be careful. Et cetera.
I hope some of the kids learn from this but I know how kids are. “It won’t happen to me.” Don’t ever think that. It can happen to anyone. And in the case of online stuff like this? It’s a helluva lot more likely to happen if you don’t take measures to make sure it doesn’t.
As an Hobbyist Internet Stalker(tm) I want to add a few things:
1) A picture is not, by itself, the most identifying thing you can release. That is, if you randomly put a picture of your face up (cleaned of all metadata tags) on 4chan that has never been put up on the internet before, the odds they will be able to find where you live is just about nil. Despite what TV shows tell you, image recognition is still kinda poop and it’s very difficult to search for someone by what their face looks like. Stalkers will not find you simply by knowing what your face looks like.
1x) But on the other hand if you don’t understand what a metadata tag is, you have no business putting up pictures if you want to stay totally anonymous because under the wrong circumstances, that could contain information on exactly where on Planet Earth you took it.
2) However, depending on what a picture contains, it could do incredible damage. If you post nude pics on the internet, there is a good chance it will stay there forever—and that people who already know you personally will get ahold of it somehow.
2x) (And that anonymous dudes will jerk off to it.)
3) If you’re wary of stalkers, be careful with your personal information. As I said earlier, a picture without metadata tags is hard to match up to your identity. On the other hand, if someone knows your first and last name and your IP address, about 3 out of 5 times that can lead them straight to your home address. It’s very hard to casually surf the internet without leaking your IP address, so the takeaway from this is: if you want to be anonymous somewhere, absolutely protect your last name. Protect your first name too if it’s unusual, you live in a small town, or you live somewhere where there are incredible databases with personal information and it could be combined with information about how old you are or something like that. (Eg, Sweden)
3x) I once found an internet friend’s home address and phone number using only his first name and his town’s name. I also got a picture of his sister, too.
3xx) Also be careful when you transfer a file. Many files (such as word documents) contain data about the “author,” which you gave the program when you registered it.
That said, I think the greatest danger on the internet isn’t stalkers, who generally have no reason to care about you (or else just do this stuff for fun), but items you entrust to people you already know. The majority of Sad Stories About Kids On The Internet have to do with giving embarrassing or private images to people they trust. Unlike showing them your boobs in person, what you have is a record* of your boobs that can be disseminated very easily on a massive scale. If you dump your boyfriend he can’t share the memory of your boobs with all his buddies in revenge. But he can share a picture.
*(This includes live streams like video chats. These can be screenshotted.)
They say before you start a war,
You better know what you're fighting for.
Well baby, you're all that I adore.
If love is what you need, A soilder I will be.
I am an angel with a shot gun ❤️.
We’re a team, aren’t we? And I’m so proud of my victors. So proud. You both deserved so much better. I am truly sorry.
My boyfriend just reblogged a, “reblog if you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend”
For many this would be distressing.
For me, as a genderqueer person who is not his boyfriend or girlfriend, it cracked me up.
this is absolutely illegal and i will not stand for this amount of law breaking
Look at this fluffy piece of shit. It is so fucking cute. I am using foul language to describe my agony
Is it a dog, or is it a ball of cute, I can’t tell.